How To Make Friends In A New City As An Adult

Moving four times across four different continents, countries, and cities during my 20s has taught me one thing: how to make friends as an adult. With each move, I’ve felt a little less scared at the prospect of starting over to the point of knowing no matter where I go, I know I can form a new community.

The reality is that finding new friends gets harder and harder as we get older: there are fewer opportunities to naturally make friends and we have less time to dedicate to socialising. But unsurprisingly, the hardest things tend to be the most important.

This guide outlines my methods of forming friendships, you’ll learn:

Most importantly, I hope you can use this post as proof that regardless of where your new home might be, you are not alone in this experience.

Why Making Friends as an Adult is Hard

As people get older, they start to settle into comfortable habits. For those who have stayed in the same place since college or moved back to their hometown, there’s a premade set of friends already living close by. The truth is that most people aren’t looking to make new friends.

That makes the process for those of us who are moving city, state, or even country pretty difficult.

Between work and personal responsibilities, most people just don’t have the bandwidth to form new relationships. That means the effort is going to have to come from you. Making friends as an adult means putting yourself out there and that can be extremely uncomfortable.

Looking for new friendships is not unlike dating: it takes work and vulnerability, and not every person you meet is going to be a good match. In fact, most of them won’t be. Most people agree that dating isn’t easy…neither is making new friends.

Where to Make New Friends

The first hurdle in building a great community of friends as an adult is knowing where to find them. In an ideal situation, you would walk into an amazing group of like-minded coworkers with similar interests waiting for you in your new job.

But that’s not always the case. You might work remotely, be a freelancer like myself, or simply not vibe with the people you work with.

Don’t worry, the office is not the only place to make new friends as an adult. I would even go so far as to say it’s better to look for friends outside of work. It’s important to have an intentional work-life balance, and in a new city, it can really make a difference to form personal relationships away from your desk.

Four Places to Meet New Friends

Meetups: I’ve used Meetup.com in multiple cities to find local events, talks, or groups filled with people who share a particular hobby or interest. If someone is attending a meetup, it usually means they’re open to making new connections.
Run Clubs: This is an opportunity to socialise! So many people go to run clubs alone hoping to meet others to run with every single week. Run clubs are hugely growing in popularity with many offering different distances and paces to welcome new members at any level.
Volunteering: Volunteering has so many benefits. Not only are you giving back to your new community, but you’re also getting to know it. Most volunteering requires teamwork to succeed which means interacting with new people who care about doing their part in the same way that you do.
Co-work Spaces: For those like myself who work from home, co-working spaces can be a great option for socialising during the work week. Research the co-work spaces near you and look for any that encourage networking and connection to increase your chances of meeting someone new!

How to Make Friends as an Adult (a step-by-step guide)

Step 1: Put Yourself Out There

Unless you’re extremely lucky, you cannot make new friends without stepping outside your comfort zone. Push yourself to find and engage in activities where you’re more likely to meet new people by joining local clubs, attending community events, or participating in group classes.

It’s all about showing up and being open to meeting new faces. Remember, everyone feels a bit nervous in new social situations, so don’t let that hold you back. The key is to keep trying…and not to take other people’s responses too personally. Not everyone is looking for a new friend, and that has nothing to do with you.

Step 2: Find Things in Common

Once you’ve taken the plunge to meet new people, it’s time to look for common ground. Conversations flow more naturally when you discover shared interests or experiences. Whether it’s a love for the same type of music, a shared hobby, or even similar career backgrounds, identifying these commonalities helps build a foundation for friendship.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions and share a bit about yourself. It’s okay to tell people that you’re new to town and looking to make some friends – trust me, you won’t look desperate. From personal experience, you might just open the door for the other person to feel comfortable admitting that they too are looking to make some new friends.

Step 3: Make Plans to Meet Up Again (and soon)

The transition from acquaintance to friend often hinges on the follow-up. After your initial meeting, don’t let too much time pass before arranging another get-together. My rule of thumb is to try and see that person again within 2 weeks, any longer and you risk the conversation fading into oblivion.

You could suggest grabbing a coffee together or visiting a spot you’ve recently learnt about. Keep the stakes low and the meetup casual to leave space to chat and slowly get to know one another. Be prepared to possibly get ghosted and if/when it happens, keep in mind that they’re probably feeling even more nervous than you are!

Step 4: Create Opportunities for Connection

Friendships can be cemented by introducing someone to those already in your network (or being introduced to theirs). Look for good opportunities to bring people together over lunch or after-work drinks.

A great community is formed by many connections. You want your friends to know one another and form their own bonds, this will give you more chances to hang out and get to know each other in the future.

Step 5: Be Patient

When I moved to New Zealand it took me 5 months to find a group of friends that I truly clicked with. In Japan, it took a year. If you haven’t found many genuine connections just yet, don’t be harsh on yourself. You are not the problem, your new home is not the problem, building a community just takes time.

Adult loneliness is an incredibly real experience. Be kind to yourself and don’t forget that changing city is hard, whether you’ve moved a few hours away or to a whole other continent. You can always phone home and take trips to visit your old friends. I promise they’re not going anywhere.

Online Digital Nomad Communities

For those who are constantly moving, making friends can be a different challenge entirely. Instead of setting roots in a new home, you might be always on the road, embracing a life of change of movement. This comes with some incredible perks, but also requires a constant effort to meet new friends, sometimes for years on end.

That’s exhausting.

The good news is that a constant community can be found online. Beyond the countless Facebook groups and subreddits, there are so many places for digital nomads to find support and connection in the digital space, here are just a few:

WiFi Tribe
Digital Nomad Girls Facebook Group
NomadList
Remote Year

I hope by reaching the end of this post, you are starting to feel a little less alone. Making friends as an adult in a new city is scary, but I am living proof that it is possible. I have come to know that there are good people, no matter where you go. You just have to find them.

If you found this post helpful, you may want to check out my guides on:

How To Make Friends In A New City As An Adult

Why Making Friends as an Adult is Hard